What is happiness?

As I was embarking on the early stages of my business, I found myself wondering… what is happiness?

The inspiration to start my business came from a push from my sister-in-law. When for the billionth time she asked, “why don’t you have a blog yet?” I decided she was right. I had just undergone a big lifestyle change and was noticeably more fit, healthy, active and presumably… happy. 

I was being asked multiple times a day for recipes, had people inquire over my home management systems, had my creative projects ogled over, and received messages for support through other’s fitness and emotional journeys. 

“Think of how many people you could help (and how much money you could make) if you shared all you know online!” 

It was an inspired, fool-proof idea right?

One problem: was I happy?

What is Happiness: Fitness?

On the surface, the shift in my outward mood and appearance came not from an internal revelation and ecstasy, but rather put-togetherness (that’s the technical term). I had lost over 50 pounds, made myself more visible online, and shared my fitness adventures on social media regularly. Yes, I was one of those people. 

I was doing all of this, not out of pride or arrogance, but out of a desperate need for approval. I was lonely and had no self-esteem. Having people see my fitness and praise me for my hard work and fit body was exhilarating… honestly, it was all I had. 

Was I getting healthier through my actions? Sure. At least physically. 

Was I experiencing more elevated moods? Absolutely. As long as the likes and comments came in and my exercise endorphins numbed my pain. 

Was I taking care of myself and feeling good? Hell no.

I was basing my self-worth and happiness on the approval of others and possessing a thin, fit body. How I appeared mattered more to me than how I felt. 

Exercising to look healthy and happy, didn’t make me feel healthy and happy. 

I’m not saying that exercise and nutrition aren’t important; They’re essential to healthy function and mood. 

But balanced health - physical, mental and emotional - is much better for building authentic happiness. 

What is Happiness: Pleasure?

Insert snicker here. I know pleasure brings to mind sex, and I could thrill you will my ability to turn anything into an inuendo, but by pleasure here, I mean physical satisfaction. 

You might find pleasure from hobbies, food, alcohol, drugs, exercise, or spirituality, but like excitement, this contrast to everyday emotions is good. 

Do you know what happens when you start to overuse pleasure to escape your negative emotions? It’s called self-medication or avoidance and can result in bigger issues down the road such as addiction, poor health, or dissociation. It’s natural to seek more pleasure and avoid pain, but it’s not always the best long-term plan. 

Again, leaning into appreciation of your everyday positive experiences can shift you towards more authentic happiness. But that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the pleasures you enjoy.

Rather than hunting for regular sources of pleasure, I suggest a more fulfilling method: prolong your pleasures by slowing down and savoring the experience. 

What is Happiness: Excitement?

You know those moments when you can’t stop smiling, find yourself laughing out loud, or feel so happy you can burst? ...the second you got great news, saw your favorite band, found out the new episodes of your favorite Netflix show dropped, or the kids are out of the house & you can be as loud as you want (wink wink).

This excitement, this explosion of happiness feels so good, right?!? Unfortunately, we can’t live in those moments forever. Thinking that this is happiness and anything less intense is just “blah” will only set you up for disappointment. 

Exciting moments are fucking spectacular. They’re like the exclamation point at the end of a sentence, the cherry on top of the Sunday, or the after-credit scene at the end of a Marvel movie! (I mean baby Groot stole the show amirite?). They’re deeply satisfying, they’re intense, but they’re fleeting. 

And this is great! If you spent your whole life in a state of excitement, it would lose its value. Too much of a good thing is not a good thing. 

Excitement is a happy feeling, but it’s not the only one. Stop hunting for excitement to fill the void from negative emotions. 

Explore the plethora of positive emotions - contentment, satisfaction, joyful, silly, peaceful, awe, gratitude, amusement - and expand your definition of happiness! 

What is Happiness: Having It All Together?

You, being the human that you are, likely feel a need to be included and accepted. It’s part of our biology… we are tribal creatures afterall. But with entertainment consuming our culture and social media now making you even more visible, you will likely feel pressured to keep up and be a certain type of person. 

Hide your flaws, follow the trends, and keep up with the Kardashians. Personally, I don’t have enough time to keep up with my life, let alone a dramatized version of celebrity family life. 

I used to be in the rat race of culture trying to be the Pinterest-perfect, Insta-worthy mom. And it was exhausting. What’s more, I never felt like I could ever keep up with the trends or meet the standards I was comparing myself to. 

Happiness is not having it all together or even appearing to. You need to be present to your unique life. That means to be yourself, live in the moment (not behind the camera on your phone), and wear, watch, read, and do whatever the fuck you want! 

I promise you no one is perfect and no one has it all together. Stop comparing your worst days to another person’s best. 

What is Happiness: Feeling Complete?

You may see others with great jobs, big groups of friends, loving spouses, wonderful houses, and all the material things that capitalism can throw their way. Namely: things. But I can tell you without fault: things do not bring you happiness.  

Waiting to obtain your prize to feel happy is a waste of your time, as is being attached to what you have now. You can’t guarantee that it will ever come or that it will never be taken away. I’ll be happy when…. Seriously? Fuck that! What if the day never comes to have the thing? Are you going to spend your whole life unhappy?

Moreover, we experience a phenomenon called hedonic adaptation, which means that you adapt to having the thing and it loses its value. 

Don’t let your happiness depend on external factors or circumstances.

What is Happiness?

Happiness is an experience... not a destination, intense positive emotion, or feeling of completeness. 

Want to Experience Authentic Happiness yourself? Grab my FREE Guide to Authentic Happiness now!